A Father’s Day First
You might find yourself reading this and experiencing that ‘oops’ feeling of opening someone else’s mail. That’s because yes, SOME of these rambles are taken straight from the card I wrote for Paddy (no shame). But he signed the consent form and released these words to the world (or to the grand total of five people who might actually read this, one of whom being Paddy himself), and if you keep reading, I hope you’ll see why he let me hit the ‘share’ button.
Happy First Official Father’s Day, Paddy.
Thank you.
Thank you for loving Reuben before it was official or acceptable. When the questioners were loud and raised eyebrows were louder; you loved him anyway.
Thank you for making him laugh until he shrieks in agony. I didn’t know he could make that noise.
Thank you for letting him help you with everything you do, even if it takes ten times longer. Our boy comes alive when he works with you and learns from you. Your never-ending patience magnifies my lack thereof. I guess we both learn from you.
Thank you for persevering in prayer for him and for being the voices of 73918373014 stuffed animals; Elephant, Doggy, Big Doggy, Big Doggy no.2, Stuffy, Timmy, Simba. The whole gang sends their love on this special day.
Thank you for playing football. Every. Single. Day. And for listening to the beat of Reuben’s heart while you play. You’ve taken the time to learn how he connects and I LOVE to sneakily listen to your chitter-chatter from the kitchen. You always think I’m doing the dishes, don’t you?
Thank you for always having time for him, even if it inconveniences you.
Thank you for making him feel worthy and secure and treasured.
Thank you for doing the ‘boy’ things that I didn’t even realise were ‘things’.
Thank you for sleeping with him in a tent in the garden, or rather, staying awake while Reuben slept. I think that’s the best reason any university student has ever pulled an all-nighter, ever.
Thank you for loving in hard ways even when it meant sacrificing your role as ‘best friend’ very early on.
Thank you for being quick to forgive and even quicker to apologise.
Thank you for embracing all of our chaos and never leaving. In fact, thank you for never even batting an eyelid.
Today I am amen-ing Reuben’s regular prayer; Thank you for making Paddy to be my daddy, but most of all I am thankful that in your fatherhood, you always point him to God’s Fatherhood.
This is the first year in a long time I haven’t woken up with a sore heart on this day. I didn’t wake up thinking of the relationship Reuben was missing out on, thinking of the memories he didn’t have, thinking of how he was blissfully unaware and how that seemed to make it all the more painful. Or thinking of how to make this day special anyway, only to give up and ignore it altogether. Reuben’s school doesn’t even celebrate Father’s Day because it’s so complicated. I didn’t have the power to redeem a day like this.
But it turns out God does.
Reuben was so excited last night he couldn’t sleep for HOURS. Even on Christmas Eve this kid likes his full twelve hours, but we’re not used to having this extra day of celebration in our calendars, so as a result, we were still making cards with paint-covered feet (don’t ask) long past bedtime, trying to mask our hushed giggles and discussions from Paddy. We were giddy.
I looked at my formerly fatherless son and thought, “This is joy in its purest form”.
A God-given joy for a God-given boy.
But if you’re reading this, and this is still a hard or complicated day for you, and you’re thinking, that’s alright for you Reb, but this day hasn’t been redeemed for me - not even close, I want to assure you where ideals are lacking, grace abounds.
If this is your day for bingeing Netflix; for a marathon of emotional eating; for locking the door and sobbing in the bath; for hitting up the wine aisle; for wanting to punch someone or, for actually punching someone; I feel ya. And I pray that you have the eyes to see the grace that is abounding in this painful pocket of your life. Maybe it’s a husband who has shown you what a father truly is, but maybe it can be the warm memories and photos of your own amazing dad. Or maybe it’s a church family filled with faithful men who are a godly influence in the lives of your children. Maybe it’s a kick-ass mum who filled the ‘dad’ role too. Maybe it’s good friends who aren’t afraid to ask you about your grief, or maybe it’s good friends who just make a big deal of your kids.
Maybe it’s none of those things and you think God has given you zero grace. Please know that He has given you Himself. The Father to the Fatherless knows your every need. The Defender of Widows has heard every loud cry and every silent longing. The Lifter of Your Head is ready to wrap his arms around you. He places Himself in the valley with you and He places the lonely in families (Psalm 3:3 & 68:3-5). Please know how loved you are by a perfect Father who goes after us; the most lost, dirty, abandoned, rebellious, annoying kids and he makes us his children. He looked at this world full of Fatherless children and He said, “They’re mine, and I’m going to give my Son to make them mine.” Happy Father’s Day, to Him and to you.