To The Person Who Isn’t Feeling ‘Christmassy’
The first year I didn’t feel ‘Christmassy’, it made sense. “Things have been hard” I reassured myself, “I just haven’t had a chance to feel it”. But the Decembers kept coming and often, the feels did not.
Some years it doesn’t make sense. Cosy decor? Check. Hallmark movies? Check. Festive family fun? Check. Matching pyjamas? Check check check. Dammit WHY AREN’T THE MATCHING PYJAMAS WORKING?!”
Please don’t get me wrong, I’ve always loved everything about Christmas. My mum was the Queen of Christmas Magic and my childhood memories still give me butterflies. When Jesus became real to me, the words of the carols were no longer background noise and ‘the Word’ becoming flesh felt like Christmas Magic on steroids. My adulthood memories still soothe my soul.
So why does December feel heavy? Why does it feel like the least wonderful time of the year? Why does it feel like I’m wading through darkness? Why am I the designated Scrooge with the ‘December Disclaimer’ reminding you that it’s ok if you don’t feel ‘Christmassy’?
Maybe because celebrating the Light of the World makes the darkness of the world unbearable. Maybe we can’t think about the Rescuer without thinking about the reason He came. Maybe we can’t look Hope in the face without feeling every facet of the hurt around us. Maybe God becoming a person reminds us of the person we’ve lost or the person we aren’t.
Maybe feeling ‘christmassy’ means feeling restless. Maybe it means feeling the pain of the world Jesus came for. Maybe it means feeling out of place and longing for ‘home’ - a home without Omicron amiright. Maybe it means feeling the grief of others and the depression of our own. Maybe while we think about Jesus’ coming, we are just so darn ready for His next one.
Maybe. I don’t know. But I do know that on the 25th Dec I’ll breathe a sigh of relief. Not because the Christmas hustling is over. But because the hustling, the anxiety, and the darkness don’t have the final word. He kept his promise to come and He’ll keep his promise to come again. In between, we can hold Christmas joy in one hand and Christmas sorrow in the other because we are safely in the palm of the promise-keeper’s hand.